I can’t remember exactly when I started calling the group of bereaved parents the club no one wanted to be member of- but I think it’s true. Losing a child is a kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, much less anyone else. There are no meetings, no monthly newsletters, no gifts for joining. It’s just this group of people connected by the pain of losing their child. Other people who can understand the acute pain that goes with and the profound emptiness and grief that goes with knowing your child is gone. No two situations are the same. No two people’s stories are the same. And every parent in this group will tell you that they never try to relate to someone else’s story because they know it’s impossible. What they do is offer that commiseration to other bereaved parents that no one else can offer- that understanding of the effect grief has on our daily lives. I have a friend at work who recently lost a child and I find myself compelled to speak to her every time I see her because I want to know where her head is at and I want her to know I’m always here to listen and let her get things off her chest that maybe she doesn’t feel she can say to other people who might look at her a little odd if she says something like “I just want to dream about him every night,” or “I swear I still expect it to be him when the phone rings.” I know that grief can present itself like that to anyone who lost someone but there is just something so profound about being able to talk about these things with someone who is rowing the same leaky boat you are. And just like I offer her an ear and a shoulder- she does the same for me. Even though it’s the club that no one wants to be a member of- the members of this group do a bang up job of being there for one another. I see a lot of “I can barely hold myself up but if I see you falling lower than me- I will do my damndest to help you too.” Not everyone is like that- let me be clear. But for the most part- as sad as it is that this is what brought y’all together- the people who understand what you are going through can turn out to be the most helping hands you’ll find.