I’m sorry for the delay between posts. It’s been a long couple of weeks at work. To be honest- I’m exhausted. Emotionally and physically. And it is when I’m in this vulnerable stage that I feel like my constant state of grief is amplified by infinity. Which in turn, causes all the negative emotions I was already feeling to extend their lifetime warranty so to speak.
I was asked by a doctor I work with the other day “how many kids do you have?” I paused thinking how I wanted to address this. In most cases I just say two and if they ask how old they are I give them my sons current age and the age that my daughter would be and leave it at that. One time, in the case of a very tremendously nosy person who asked way too many personal questions about everything including if I knew my husband was the one on our first date- I’m shamefully admit I flat out lied to her and said “one” when she asked because I was feeling fragile and did not want to share any part of my daughter with her. In the case of this doctor though- I like her. It was safe to share with her. So I was honest and said “two kids but we lost our daughter 6 years ago.” No other explanations needed. And she didn’t dig. She just said “I am really sorry about that.” She too left it at that. It took me a moment to realize what I was feeling was relief that I didn’t have to prepare someone for my emotional shadow, or gauge their personality to see whether it was even worth exposing my daughters memory to their energy.
There are many times where I am like- psshh they can take it or leave it- but the majority of the time I feel so protective of my daughters memory, that I don’t want just anyone having access to it. Am I wrong for feeling that way?
How do you deal with situations like this?